Join Chris and B for our first episode, as we talk about Kiefer Sutherland’s own “The Lost Boys.” Back in 1987, vampires didn’t sparkle – hell, they didn’t even turn you. Through the cunning use of peer pressure, they got you to turn yourself! We smoke up and break down the plot, vampire lore, and the growing urgency to learn how to do a pull up to save your own life. Comment either on this post or on our Contact Us page if you’d like to share any of your own thoughts or insights. Suggestions for future episodes are also welcome!
Kiefy Bowl Rating
All music by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License
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TRANSCRIPT – Episode 1 – “The Lost Boys”
B: And welcome to our very first episode of Kiefer…
CHRIS: I barely knew her!
B: The podcast where my husband Chris and myself watch movies, get high, and then talk about them.
CHRIS: Yeah, that’s pretty much the extent of it.
B: That’s our sales pitch.
CHRIS: We, for the most part, are a couple of storytellers, and we love kind of like breaking movies down and just kind of talking through plotlines.
B: Especially when we’re high.
CHRIS: Oh, God, when we’re high, it’s just like Chef’s Kiss. But, yeah, I mean, that’s kind of the inspiration for this podcast. We’ve been having these conversations literally for years, and one day, B was just like, why aren’t we recording these?
B: Yeah. So we started, but a little bit of background on Chris and myself. I think it’s interesting. We grew up with kind of completely polar opposite rules regarding what we were allowed to watch. My family was like, watch whatever we want to watch when we’re watching it. I saw my first R movie when I was four.
CHRIS: Where I grew up in a household that wasn’t allowed to watch the Smurfs.
B: One of those.
CHRIS: Yeah, I was homeschooled. Not allowed to watch the Smurfs.
B: Why was that? Because I never understood. Every time somebody tried to explain it to me as a kid, I was like, “What? Why?”
CHRIS: Black magic, man. It’s all about that black magic Gargamel. He’s not like the poster child for successful Black magic-er, I guess?
B: No, but still, he’s a gateway black magic.
CHRIS: Yeah, I guess so. It’s like, if he weren’t so just worthless, he might actually be able to get some shit done.
B: He’s chasing tiny blue people. Come on. This dude can’t figure anything out. Yeah, but your parents didn’t want you to move into black magic. I get it. It’s tempting.
CHRIS: You know you hate to see it when your kid falls into the black magic.
B: Yeah. So we kind of come from both sides of the coin there. That’s kind of crazy. So, some movies he hasn’t seen before. Some movies I haven’t seen before. But, yeah, we’re just going to keep releasing these about every Tuesday.
CHRIS: We got to make sure that we keep this going. This is a lot of fun. It’s something that we’re already doing, so might as well just share it with other people. And kind of the structure of the show is going to be this introduction. Then we’re going to take a quick break to get high AF. From there, we’re going to come back and just kind of, like, talk about the movie.
B: Yes. And what is today’s movie?
CHRIS: Today’s movie for “”Kiefer? I Barely Knew Her!”!” is the wonderful film Lost Boys.
B: 1987.
CHRIS: Kiefer Sutherland movie.
B: So we do tend to smoke kiefy bowls while we do this. You get way more into the conversation then. Yeah. So we’re going to go ahead and hit pause. We’re going to smoke up. We encourage you to do the same, whatever you would like to do to kind of get your brain flowing, and then we’ll come back and get started talking again.
CHRIS: So everybody take a toque and we’ll talk to you in a minute.
~SMOKE BREAK~
B: We need to start up here. A positive attitude when you’re diving into a conversation like this.
CHRIS: I would agree wholeheartedly. There are feelings. There are feelings that have been had.
B: Normally where this all came from is I would make a kiefy bowl. I would bring it to Chris and say, “Kiefer? I Barely Knew Her!” because I thought that was funny. And then I would give him a prompt. I would pose a question based on the movie we had watched earlier, and we would just talk and dive into it and go crazy. I have nothing to ask you about this movie. I have no prompt. I have feelings, many feelings. But this story didn’t really take me anywhere.
CHRIS: We’re in good hands because it’s taken me places.
B: Okay.
CHRIS: It has definitely taken me places. There’s so much to unwrap here. And you can’t not address the muscly saxophone player in the room.
B: No, of course not.
CHRIS: You have to talk about the muscly saxophone player.
B: It’s the hook. If you weren’t enticed by whatever muscly saxman right away. You don’t want to watch a family drive cross country and bicker about it? We got a sax man for you.
CHRIS: Oh, yeah. We’ll keep you entertained. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was. Wow.
B: I looked him up. Yeah, I did. I looked him up because I was like, “what the fuck?”
CHRIS: Was he actually a saxophone player?
B: Yeah. Dude has been on tour with Tina Turner. He’s toured with a lot of major people and is like, “and this is what I’m remembered for.”
CHRIS: Oh, my God.
B: But he did admit to oiling up. He said that’s actually something you would do on Tina Turner’s tours. You had to oil up before every show.
CHRIS: Wow.
B: It was considered their shirt shine or something. I don’t know, man. It was weird. I was uncomfortable.
CHRIS: I bet they were, too. Oh, my God. That’s amazing. That whole situation, man.
B: That guy’s hips could just…
CHRIS: Right? He was into that song.
B: So into it.
CHRIS: God, he was loving it. It was like he wrote it. I don’t know.
B: He may have, but I mean, jeez, keep it in your pants. There are children present.
CHRIS: There could have been.
B: Vampire children.
CHRIS: At least. At least one wandering around. Little Laddie.
B: Little Laddie. Do we want to get into Laddie now or we saving that one?
CHRIS: I mean, I actually don’t have any prompts that revolve around Laddie. I was diving deeper into…
B: You know why you don’t have anything on Laddie?
CHRIS: Why?
B: Because it made no fucking sense. There was no reason that they… Did they kidnap this child? He did not seem to be related to anybody.
CHRIS: Like, did they save him from dying? And that’s the reason they justify having turned a child?
B: You know it’s actually against vampire code in every other vampire lore, that you don’t turn children because that’s considered cruel. So that’s why you have no prompts on Laddie, because Laddie made no fucking sense.
CHRIS: None. Little Laddie, he was a prop.
B: He was.
CHRIS: He was.
B: Yeah. Just carried around.
CHRIS: Almost literally. He was held back several times.
B: Was it because they were like, “Hey, audience, you might not sympathize with a young runaway teen girl, but we threw this kid in. So be worried about this kid.”
CHRIS: Break all the rules. Yeah, but we got to pull those heartstrings.
B: They even had him dressed in, like, that quaint jacket. I almost thought he could be British. He had long hair.
CHRIS: He was going to be like Tiny Tim walking around with a crutch. Jesus. Looking for coal. I don’t know, whatever he did.
B: Not much, but yeah. So, yeah, that’s Laddie. There’s. There’s Nothing there.
CHRIS: Yeah, there’s not. There wasn’t a lot.
B: Sorry, Laddie. I don’t think…
CHRIS: I mean, he tried. He did really good when he was a baby vampire trying to eat people.
B: Yeah, he was close.
CHRIS: I’m not trying to disrespect the actor. The actor cannot be blamed for the role there.
B: I mean, they’re just happy to have a role.
CHRIS: Very much. Since we’ve gotten past the saxophone guy and Laddie. Is this, like, the moral of the story is the dangers of peer pressure?
B: That is exactly what I thought every single time they did anything toward turning Jason Patric. Everything was, “Hey, do this thing.” They didn’t turn him. He turned himself!
CHRIS: He really did.
B: He let all of it happen.
CHRIS: He was, like, trying to show that girl that he was fuckin’ cool.
B: “I could eat Chinese food, right.” (mimicking Jason Patric)
CHRIS: “I don’t care if it’s maggots. *barf sound*” It was kind of like, dude, you work out every day. You obviously have pretty decent genetics. You won some sort of lottery.
B: Well, I mean, he does look like a 40 year old.
CHRIS: That is true. Which he have been.
B: He was 21. I looked it up.
CHRIS: Oh, shit.
B: But honestly, he looks like a 40 year old. And you know how I know? is look at a picture of Jason Patric at the age of 40, and he looks the exact same.
CHRIS: So it’s another vampire?
B: His face has not changed at all. Oh, my God. Holy shit. I didn’t even think about that. Good thing I’m a fan. I’d be terrified if I didn’t like him. Not in this movie. Not in this movie. No. Not to be confused.
CHRIS: I just want to put it out there. We just referred to him as being a vampire because he doesn’t seem to be aging.
B: Yes.
CHRIS: Can we also point out that the dude from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” is there and Keanu Reeves is yet another vampire?
B: Oh, my God.
CHRIS: Conspiracy. Conspiracy!
B: Yes. Bill S. Preston is in this movie. Not for long.
CHRIS: Seven lines. He’s in it a while and he has seven lines, I feel like. I felt bad for him.
B: He’s the only one in the group whose name I knew, but only because they kept yelling at him and barking orders. “Marco! Marco!” I think there was some guy on set who every time was like, “Polo!” (mimicking director) “Stop ruining the takes, Jerry!”
CHRIS: “Jerry’s the worst. I fucking hate Jerry.”
B: Back to your main point where all of this came from. Everything he did with them, the dude was like, “Come on, man. Do it,” right? And he had the chick, like, “Don’t do it.”
CHRIS: She literally was standing behind him like the fucking lamo that was always represented in any of those shows that you would watch on TV where peer pressure was, like, the big thing. And it was just, there was always somebody who was like, the biggest nerd or just the loser on the show, and they were always the one like, “No. You know you shouldn’t do that.” The fact that you’re sitting there telling them that makes them not want to listen more because they want to be cool in this situation.
B: Yeah, exactly.
CHRIS: You are unanimously known for not being cool. So if you say that it’s the wrong thing to do, then it’s like, “I don’t want to listen to you.”
B: “I should definitely do what the uncool guy does. We could be uncool together.” “He’s sabotaging me!”
CHRIS: “Every. Single. Time. I don’t understand.”
B: But at the same time, if the chick that you want to bang is like, “Dude, it’s blood.” You’re like, “You know what? I’m good. Could you guys pass me a Miller light? I see those over there in the corner.”
CHRIS: “You have several in that cave hole.” I don’t know, it was an interesting hostel they lived in.
B: Yeah. And they were like, “it’s a hotel that went into the ground, now it’s here.”
CHRIS: Built on a fault line.
B: “And that’s it.”
CHRIS: “Now it’s ours. Possession is nine tenths of the law.” It was just everything. Everything that he did, it was just always, “Do it, man. Do it. You want to fit in. You’re new in town.”
B: And there was no change in how quickly. He had to be told to do it the same amount of times each time. You would think after a while it’d take like one or “Come on, man.” And then he’d go. But no, every single time, it was like six or seven. “Come on, man.”
CHRIS: “Just let go.”
B: “Join us.”
CHRIS: “Join us, Michael. Join us. You’re one of us.”
B: But my thought on that is, though, they gave him, like, a two hour interview. And were like, “You’re cool enough to hang out with us forever. I mean, I’ve been a vampire four weeks, but this shit’s going to be awesome. I’m definitely going to survive for a really long time.”
CHRIS: But how long had he actually been a vampire? Did they ever discuss that?
B: No. There was no backstory on anyone or anything.
CHRIS: Okay. But, yeah, that’s fair. That’s very true.
B: The vampires had no motives other than being vampires.
CHRIS: That’s true. But they tried to establish some sort of, like, hierarchy, which would mean that they’ve been there a while. Grandpa knows. He knew the whole time. And he’s lived there for how long? He didn’t warn anybody.
B: He let his daughter and his grandchildren, like, she was a second from death or vampirism. I guess vampirism. But he didn’t even give him a heads up. And there were so many times when he saw the clues. And Michael’s being weird, and they’re carrying extra bodies up the stairs. “Okay. Just fill up the car with gas.”
CHRIS: Right? It just seemed kind of a weird situation. Like, the grandpa knew that there were vampires there. So how old was Kiefer Sutherland and Marco and all the other dudes that were just randomly there with no lines? That has to beg the question, what kind of deal does Max have with the police? They’re the murder capital of the world. There are, in this movie alone, multiple public altercations that are swiftly followed up by murder, and they’re seen in front of tons of people. Like, that dude got pissed after he got almost choked out by that security guard and told him to get off the pier. And then that very night, the security guard was murdered.
B: Police don’t care about security guards.
CHRIS: That’s true. They don’t care about security guards.
B: But they said in the movie, “I hear there are some in the council, they have the police department…”
CHRIS: He was saying, ghouls and trolls were in the council, I think is what he said.
B: Oh, that’s stupid.
CHRIS: Right? I don’t know what.
B: But okay, what you had said about how old they are and the fact that Grandpa knows that they’ve been there. So does that mean that either. I think one of two things is true. Either Max is one of many vampires that are making vampires in Santa Carla. Or Max keeps making vampires and they keep getting killed.
CHRIS: In very short periods of time.
B: They keep getting killed off because they don’t listen.
CHRIS: Which is why he wants a mom for them.
B: Which is, yeah, another reason they could have been there a long time. I really don’t think that a vampire that, well, just Kiefer Sutherland as the vampire would have been living in that town for more than, like 80 years. I feel like if he had been there a long time ago, he’d want to move on. He would want to move around and do shit.
CHRIS: If he had been there for 80 years, he probably would have, fucking, people woudl be like, “Dude, what the fuck? How are you still like 20? Grandpa has a picture with you.”
B: “Well, I’m that guy’s grandson.”
CHRIS: Right? With very keen resemblance.
B: “Yeah, we all have the same hockey hair.”
CHRIS: “I try to get a cut and it just always goes back like this. So I stopped getting it cut.” Oh, man.
B: Oh, jeez.
CHRIS: But, man, that whole situation also, I know we’ve had this conversation in the past, like life or death situations that would require a pull up. And it’s like I’m just sitting there watching him drop down on those bars and I’m like, “Oh, I’m dead. There’s no way I’m going to be able to do a pull up in this situation, especially not when I have to wait for a train, right, to go by.”
B: Right? And he was struggling at the end to even hold on there. And then you’re going to pull yourself up?
CHRIS: Was he just so scared following them that his arms were shaky? Because he just seemed like he was a meathead. Kind of like the second he was moving the weights into the room that he was claiming as his own and then just started curling.
B: You think they drove it home enough.
CHRIS: I was just waiting for him to start peeing on things like mark his territory. It was just a weird situation. I didn’t understand it, really.
B: But back to your concept of the pull up, needing to save your life.
CHRIS: Oh, yeah. I keep thinking about the fact that I need to get to a point that I can do at least one pull up.
B: Just one.
CHRIS: Just one pull up. Because if I could do at least one pull up in that life or death situation, when the adrenaline kicks in, I should be able to get out. It should happen.
B: So long as you can kind of do one now, that adrenaline will obviously take care of the rest of it.
CHRIS: Obviously, that’ll change everything, the entire dynamic.
B: I knew you were going to say something about that. I did write a note like, “pull up or die?” I know this is a concern of yours. It’s been brought up multiple times.
CHRIS: It is. I wonder about it, man. I wonder about it. But what are you going to do?
B: Just watch heights, man. Don’t go up things. Then you won’t have to do a lot of pull ups.
CHRIS: Oh, my God.
B: Stay on floor level.
CHRIS: I was thinking about possible reasons as to why they could be living in that town for 80 years or however fucking old their grandpa is. He seemed to do pretty well with glamouring. He made him see maggots.
B: Kiefer? Yeah, he didn’t hesitate. He wasn’t like, “Watch this, guys. I’m going to get it this time.”
CHRIS: Right? It wasn’t… at the end.
B: I know exactly what’s going to happen.
CHRIS: So if he could glamour food to not only look like something else, but feel like something else in your mouth…
B: Well, we don’t know that it felt that way. He didn’t say that. He spit it out when he looked at the chinese food.
CHRIS: That’s a good point. That’s a good point. I don’t know if there was a textile situation there.
B: But I do agree that he’s got skills.
CHRIS: Yeah, but if he can make people see that shit, then could he not change his appearance so that way he doesn’t look like… He may not even look like he fucking looks.
B: I’m going to be candid. I think he thinks he looks attractive.
CHRIS: I think you’re right.
B: We’re like, why would you want to look like…?
CHRIS: That’s a fair argument, B. It’s a fair argument. But I wanted to say that I thought it was really, like, this was a very good use of lore, like vampire lore. Okay, so they did the whole glamour situation, but they didn’t explain it. They didn’t mention glamour. They didn’t say those words. It was never said. So people who know vampire lore then begin to assume other things that also happen in this universe. Okay, so then you start assuming shit like garlic is going to impact them. They showed us that his reflection was fucked. So you start seeing all these different things. So you have to start aligning with your own knowledge base on these vampire traits. So then they set you up to fail with that. Like, the whole situation with Max, when he eats the garlic and says that he likes garlic, he automatically threw you off the trail, like, 100%. Like, “Oh, he’s fine with garlic? Fuck that dude. He is definitely not the lead vampire. He just had a mouthful of garlic and it didn’t melt his face.”
B: And was like “Mmm, yes, please!”
CHRIS: Right? He’s like, “it’s a little much,” but, yeah, they set us up. They didn’t hand it to us. They left it to our own assumptions, and that set us up to fail. And I thought that was really good storytelling to hide your lead bad guy.
B: I’m going to counter.
CHRIS: Okay.
B: I’m going to say that’s really lazy storytelling. I think that they did things and wanted us to fill in the rest so that they didn’t have to do the work.
CHRIS: Oh, my God, B.
B: And the reason I think that this wasn’t some grand scheme to throw us off is because things weren’t uniform. Star came in through the window without an invitation as a vampire, but.
CHRIS: She wasn’t a full fledged vampire.
B: The dude, Richie Rich’s dad, he had a reflection. They never explained that.
CHRIS: You’re right.
B: That’s what made everybody say, “Oh, no, you’re fine.” Now this is extra lore. Like, footnote: lead vampires can have reflections when needed.
CHRIS: That’s a good point. I didn’t think about that fact. I was already smoking when were watching it.
B: I would say it was lazy and insulting.
CHRIS: I drew a connection that wasn’t there.
B: I think you were hoping that it was something better than it was. I mean, you did say that they set us up to fail.
CHRIS: Yeah. I guess my point is more right now, they did set us up to fail because they broke their own universe’s rules.
B: In a way, we agree.
CHRIS: Yeah. Okay. I didn’t do as bad as I thought.
B: That’s a good feeling, right?
CHRIS: Got that going for me. Which is nice.
B: Yeah.
CHRIS: Having been an adult and seeing this for the first time, this is why my brain went this way. Can we discuss how terrifying the Frog brothers are?
B: Okay. I would love some elaboration.
CHRIS: Okay. You have two dudes who work in a comic book store and firmly believe there are vampires that live inside their city. Have absolutely no proof, haven’t ever seen it, haven’t experienced anything.
B: Yeah, they’ve never been with them.
CHRIS: Haven’t been scratched. Never brought up – they are the type of people that would have brought up having an experience with a vampire.
B: They would show you a scar if they had one. And they’d be like, “this is the rock I tripped over.”
CHRIS: They would totally have all of that information to show you. And he was okay staking somebody. He had no confirmation points.
B: Let’s be honest, he pushed it in with his hand. There was no hammer. He literally pushed it through the dude’s torso, which must have been made of jelly because that was ridiculous.
CHRIS: I’m not here to discuss the dude’s bone density. I’m talking about the fact that he was okay with driving a steak into a person that could have just been hanging upside down with moon boots. That was a legit thing in the 80s. You can’t say that it wasn’t.
B: You’re like, “Wait a second. There’s got to be a reasonable explanation here.”
CHRIS: Yes.
B: “Moon boots, right?”
CHRIS: Yes! And he just fucking stabbed the dude still. And then, more confirmation that they have no proof that any of this is real. They left and were mad because they had fallen apart in the face of the enemy. This was their first run in with a vampire.
B: Yeah, that clinches it for sure.
CHRIS: Like, they were okay killing somebody and with no real evidence that person was a vampire.
B: Hey man, they’re just diving in head first. Yeah, they’re all in.
CHRIS: That’s terrifying. They’re a small town couple of dudes who work in a comic book shop and were okay with murdering multiple people.
B: And how many years could they have been aware of vampires? Like, it’s only been a couple of years. They’ve been old enough to notice things. Don’t tell me they were eight and like “I know they’re vampires” and carrying pencils for steaks.
CHRIS: Seriously! “Don’t forget your number two!” I don’t understand. Also, how they know so much about vampires. One of the first things I asked or was asking.
B: Yeah, they never explain anything. You would think… But there are people who sometimes in movies say they piece things together from news articles, and I will say that there were some deaths that seemed stupid and “Really? A car door was ripped off the car?” and, “Oh, the roof was ripped off another car.” When they killed those people by the bonfire and then threw their bodies in the bonfire? That was the best – it made perfect sense.
CHRIS: That was the best disposal of bodies.
B: That made perfect sense. Absolutely.
CHRIS: Yeah. That was the best way to get rid of those bodies.
B: They’re not going to see those marks on the neck.
CHRIS: They’re not going to call Bones in to do some forensic analysis to figure out whether or not it was vampires. “Oh, he bit the scapula.”
B: But there’s literally always a bonfire on the beach at that beach at night. I’m telling you, even if it’s a trash fire with a homeless person.
CHRIS: Just a dumpster fire?
B: Probably not the tastiest. But then you put them right in the dumpster. Easy peasy cleanup.
CHRIS: Absolutely.
B: And you don’t have to pay as much to the police or whatever you’re doing.
CHRIS: You have to get rid of the bones. You just have to get rid of the forensics.
B: And you can’t put them in the water. That’s not going to wash away enough.
CHRIS: No, that’s never enough. So it’s just like those brothers, that’s like the beginning of another horror story.
B: I can see that. Honestly, I was expecting the second one to die the whole time.
CHRIS: Right?
B: The whole time, I was like, “I know everyone here, but you.”
CHRIS: Might as well be wearing a red shirt
B: Right? Everybody else in the cast was a somebody. And then this dude. And I don’t know who you are, and I assume you’re going to be fridged for…
CHRIS: For one reason or another.
B: Corey Feldman’s own personal gain.
CHRIS: Oh, my God. And Corey Feldman, he played that character just like kind of the quintessential kid trying to be tough, like the “fake deep voice when I’m talking about anything.”
B: Yeah, his voice was way too deep. I’m like, you are not that old, dude. You haven’t been smoking that long.
CHRIS: No, it was just like, oh, my God. It was kind of ridiculous. He was doing it the whole time.
B: I was like…
CHRIS: Is this where Christian Bale kind of modeled his Batman voice?
B: Yeah, since he was a kid. I’m sure he’d just be in the mirror pretending to be Corey Feldman.
CHRIS: Yeah, exactly. Such an interesting movie, though. I do feel like it was a really enjoyable movie to watch. It had an okay story. It wasn’t bad.
B: I don’t know how this happened. It doesn’t usually happen, but I completely disagree with you, like, 100%. I would say that this movie has no story. I would say that somebody sat in a room, was like, “Hey, you know what’d be cool? Teenage vampires. Yeah! Put them on a boardwalk. Yeah! Let’s see what happens.” The vampires have no motive. They try to turn Michael immediately for no reason. They even fuck up why they tried to turn Michael. The girl Star says that she picked him because obviously he was, like, enamored and was like, “We thought you could help us. So I kind of went with it.” Yeah.
CHRIS: You know what I just realized?
CHRIS: But then Richie Rich’s dad says that he wanted him to be turned so he could date his mom, who he had met for a second.
CHRIS: Right. You know I think I was still in my head giving them credit for that glamour thing that you debunked early on. I think that was my problem.
B: You’re still giving them credit for trying to trick us.
CHRIS: Yeah. Even though they didn’t follow their own rules.
B: No. They don’t follow any rules. Since when do…
CHRIS: Unless they’re trying to say that the people who don’t have reflections are the people who haven’t eaten anybody yet. And people who have eaten people have reflections.
B: Richie Rich’s dad had a reflection. He’s definitely eaten people because he ate Kiefer Sutherland.
CHRIS: Well, that’s what I’m saying. He’s eaten people, so he has a reflection. But Michael hasn’t eaten anybody, so he doesn’t have a reflection.
B: Right, but, okay. We can accept – I don’t recall if they tried to show Kiefer have or not having a reflection. I don’t recall if they did that with him. So that would be the thing that could rule on that. But I will say that since when are vampire is sensitive to lamps? Jason Patric could not be in a room with lamps on. And why is he allowed to walk home at dawn and the other vampires get set on fire? Okay, maybe because he’s not full vampire yet, but why does electricity kill vampires, too?
CHRIS: That was really interesting. It seemed like that radio had way more electricity going.
B: Why did grandpa have such a sweet setup?
CHRIS: Right? But like, are vampires weak against electricity?
B: We wouldn’t know. Lore was written before electricity was invented.
CHRIS: That’s a really good point, actually. Is that what Ben Franklin was doing, trying to harness electricity? “We got to take care of these vampires…”
B: “This is definitely going to help out.”
CHRIS: Oh, my God. But I don’t know, man. It seemed like the dude had way more electricity going through him than he should have. But he was kind of popping. His hand blew up for some reason. I don’t know what that was about. That was kind of weird. Maybe it’s because they can fly. In Pokemon, flying…
B: Oh, my God.
CHRIS: Flying things were weak against electricity. That could be what it is, B. It’s a Pokemon reference. Before Pokemon was a thing.
B: Wow. Well,…
CHRIS: I figured it out.
B: That does remind me that for whatever reason, being a vampire doesn’t make you fly. It forces you to be what? Antigravity?
CHRIS: Right?
B: You have no control over it? He’s just floating out his window.
CHRIS: He was floating so hard, he couldn’t press himself off of the ceiling. Again, a guy who is so busy working out, he can’t even remember to help unload the van.
B: But he’s stuck to a ceiling.
CHRIS: But he’s stuck to a ceiling, can’t press himself up, and then, for whatever reason, drags himself out a window. Like that’s a good idea. He did so much work to get out of that window. There was no work being done to stay in that room. But he acted like that’s what he wanted. That’s not what was happening. That’s not at all. Everything he was doing was trying to get out.
B: And the entire time, I was just, like, shaking my head.
CHRIS: What happens? Why? If you have so much antigravity that you’re being pressed against the ceiling so hard you can’t pick yourself up, you’re just going to shoot into the atmosphere.
B: Right?
CHRIS: Like, what happens? I don’t understand how these guys fly.
B: I’ll give you that maybe they were trying to say that Kiefer Sutherland was calling him and he has that power. Maybe, but I don’t think so, because he wasn’t like, “Hey, I called you. You didn’t come.”
CHRIS: It’s also another thing they didn’t ever talk about. They didn’t bring it up. But does that fall into their whole lore bullshit that they only gave us? They let us kind of figure out the pieces. They didn’t actually give us anything.
B: You keep giving them credit for that. They just didn’t want to throw it in there because then they’d be married to it. Then they’d have to commit to it.
CHRIS: “If we commit to anything, if we commit to anything, they can pick us apart. So we cannot commit to anything. So just don’t talk about it. Just do things that happen in vampire movies.”
B: But that’s what I’m saying. There was no plot. There was no reason that they had to try to turn Michael so hard like that and so immediately. And there was no purpose to them. Usually vampires have a grand plan or something like that. Or at the very least, if they turn you, they’re like, “You’re going to stay with us for a little bit. We’re going to show you the ropes. This is your life now.”
CHRIS: “I’ll try to teach you since I turned you.”
B: And not like, “Go home to your mom.”
CHRIS: “Until you have your first feeding.”
B: Yeah.
CHRIS: I don’t know. I can agree with you 100% now that we have discussed this, and I have remembered that I gave them credit for something I shouldn’t have.
B: The problem with debating it high.
CHRIS: I agree. There is not really a developed plot in this movie. Like, one could argue that it conflicts with itself, as you stated. But I do think that it led to, if you saw that movie in the 80s and you were watching these dudes hanging up, hanging from the bridge or riding on the motorcycles and doing all that stuff, it would have the tension of a thriller kind of a situation.
B: Yeah, they had really low expectations.
CHRIS: I’m just trying to, like, if you compare it to movies today, it is shit. But if you compare it to movies of its day, it is like, they did good.
B: For its day, yes, but I still think that there was no story.
CHRIS: Yeah.
B: There was no real purpose to anything, you know?
CHRIS: Yeah, I don’t know. It was.
B: I mean, it’s fun to watch and make fun of. I was raised on MST3K and I just love doing that. I mean, I’ll watch it again at some point, but I’m going to talk some major shit.
CHRIS: We kind of throw these ratings around every now and again. How many Kiefy bowls do you think it would take to unpack Lost Boys?
B: All of what’s going on there.
CHRIS: How many kiefy bowls would you need to get through to really be able to talk through this movie.
B: Yeah. And to fully flesh out your thoughts and just unpack it all.
CHRIS: Find as many connections as you can.
B: So how many Kiefy bowls did the lost Boys earn?
CHRIS: I would say two. There’s some stuff going on there. There’s some fun questions that you can ask.
B: Want to talk through your frustrations for sure.
CHRIS: Oh, man. Definitely. I do think that, again, it’s one of those situations where we saw it as adults and didn’t have the same appreciation for it.
B: I appreciate it as a cultural reference point. I always will. I’ll hold it dear to my cultural reference point place in my brain. So thanks so much for joining us.
CHRIS: Oh, my gosh. And definitely if you feel like you’d like to go on some more journeys with us feel free to subscribe.
B: Yeah. And you can find us on Instagram at KieferIBKH. Or we have a website, Kieferibkh.com.
CHRIS: Absolutely. And do want to give credit for the music. It is Kevin MacLeod.
B: We’ll have MacLeod. We’ll have some more info on him on our site.
CHRIS: Yep. And future episodes are going to be released on Tuesdays. And definitely feel free to give a review. Let us know if you share any of our thoughts. Also, if you have thoughts that you want to share regarding this movie.
B: Yeah, definitely come by our website and send us any of your thoughts. Send any suggestions you have for us.
CHRIS: And yeah, thanks so much for listening.